Monday, June 4, 2012

When you need Ray of Sun...

Today is the day when I finally broken down. When everything was going good and I was getting ready for my next Xterra and suddenly I just got overwhelmed. With what, I don’t even know.

Being stuck at work, not being able to do what I want to do, being tired, mentally tired, stressed.
I had hurricane going in my head and it all just crashed. I sat down and cried.

With all those days of glory I also get those when nothing is good, everything bothers me and I’m not happy.

I feel like the most unhappy person in the whole world in this moment. It’s tough to be strong and walk with a smile and never show a weakness.

We all have our doubts and our fears. My fear, I think, is the future.

But not the future that I will make for myself from my dreamy way of living, but the future that reality and corporate life brings us, the dry and dirty truth that besides all you need to rely on yourself and prepare yourself for the future, because if you don't, there will be no one there waiting to help you.
We are all alone even when it doesn’t feel like it.

I will always have my dream future with fantasizing of great adventures, future races, taking care of and photographing my butterflies and flowers. I will always make my life beautiful and good no matter what the ugly part of life will throw at me. But sometimes I will just sit down like today and cry and feel hopeless for the moment.

But this moment will go by and the second I will step into my home and have whole forest of creatures galloping towards me, see all the flowers covering my garden with beautiful colors, I will be able to fall asleep in the arms of my husband... I will be strong and happy again…

This is what my husband sent me when I was stuck today in the dark and it made me cry even more…

Maybe I needed it to start all over again.

“There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone forever.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow with all its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and its poor performance; Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, for it is yet to be born.

This leaves only one day, Today. Any person can fight the battle of just one day.
It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad, it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

Let us, therefore, Live but one day at a time.”

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