FSC # 2 - Fernandina Beach, FL

 1st place out of 13 Sport Ladies!!!

Such a brutal race took place today in such a wonderful and serine in the contrary place.

Ft Clinch Park is located on the beautiful Amelia Island where giant sand dunes, old oak trees covered in moss and Giant Swallowtail butterflies fill out scenery, not forgetting a historic fort on the other side of the park. It is gorgeous here, sunny, hot and we can hear the monster waves crashing from the race start line. Everyone knew however that all smooth and rolling trails covered with some pine needles that were hiding sugar sand underneath were going to make this race as brutal as it gets. It happened to be almost a survival game with long 7 mile laps that we had to repeat three times in a row.

We had a rolling start and strong and amazing girls showed up today on this start line and everyone was hungry for a win. First half mile on the pavement was very painful and everyone seemed to try to get in the tight single track first. I was lucky enough to get in with a fifth position, right behind the girls that I knew I wanted to be right there with. It worked out well and we stayed all together for most of the first lap. It was hard however. I imagined already not getting anywhere near podium for that day and I was in acceptance of it. Everyone was riding strong consistently and pushing and not giving anyone a break. It was a battle. Just seconds before entering the first lap check point I had two girls go by me putting me in sixth position. It didn’t last long since just seconds later I stood up and I passed them back. I was back in forth and still had a long way to go. With time, I managed to catch the wheels of the third place rider; I made a smooth pass and finally after this long awaiting misery was in the top three. I was exactly where I wanted to be. With little time I realized the second girl, Candance was some 20 seconds in front, which was great news. I could just hear my husband screaming through the trees, 15 seconds, 10 seconds, 5 seconds. And shortly I jumped on her wheel and stayed there. Still I wasn’t sure where the first rider was. Luckily the trail ended and we had some quarter mile or more of the pavement. I went out right behind and sped up, went to the side of the second girl and did acknowledge her. She didn’t seem to have an interest to fight for her position and I sped away having first rider, June just some forty feet ahead. It gave me motivation to push even more and I was gaining distance very quickly on her. I imagined it would be great to manage to make a pass right before going back to the twisty single track. And I did it, just with inches to spare before the turn I went right by her. Oh this felt good. I was in the lead now and I had still whole lap and a half to hold it. Once again I heard my husband encouraging me to keep on pushing and make as much distance as I could. I started hearing now 10 seconds, 20 seconds, 30 seconds. I was gaining and gaining, but I knew that I did not have a comfort of giving myself any break or making any mistake. I rode still like I was on the chase to the finish. Covered with sweat, dirt and goose bumps from the heat, exhaustion and excitement finally I crossed the finish line with my traditional fist pump. Race director announced my name and my victory.




I was very happy and felt very accomplished. My husband was also proud as hell of me. I did come to this race pretty sore and tired from my current triathlon training and would not expect to perform as well as I did. Well oh maybe yes I was wishing and hoping for a great placing but in those races you just never know. That was just an incredibly important and fulfilling day. My first win in the sport division! It all culminated with me diving in straight to the ocean still in my race kit. I submerged in those big waves like a little kid and finally was able to relax. After that I went to the podium and received my gold, and shared podium with my bellowed bike “Sonic” that deserved to be there as much as I did. Afterwards I still managed to get out for some trail running and jumped into the ocean one more time before we headed home…

FSC # 1 - Tallahassee, FL

Finally we took our first trip to Tallahassee ever.

Long awaiting goal of racing whole Florida State Series starting with the inaugurating race all the way in the Florida capital finally is coming true.

Oh it is far, but we got there surprisingly quick. I will not mention however here how quick… :)
When we arrived in the park in the late Friday afternoon we saw through the window Fast Freddy with other Rose Bandit pre-riding the course. They were covered head to toe in mud. It rained before and parts of the trail were soaking wet. We got on the bikes pretty quickly and went to check out the course.

The trails here are fun, fast and super interesting. Small stream crossing, some little uphill, few different forks where you can make your call which way is faster and better for your racing abilities and cool two pump trucks toward the end of the course. The jumps however were soaked and all it was is just piles of clay and mud.  We were able to see most of the trail however and were done for the day.

The following morning shortly after our arrival the park sky just opened up and it started down pouring so badly the park was completely flooded. Race director decided to cancel the Time Trial bonus race that was supposed to take place today and asked riders to stay off the course. That meant no more practice for us.



On the race morning I and my team decided to show up early so we can preview the course before the race start. Surprisingly most of the water drained and there were only some muddy spots. We all wished however it was completely dry since this course is just asking to be flied on! It is just super fast!






It was eleven of us on the start line and I remember just feeling nauseous. It was after all the first race for the season and all in the new Sport class. Start line was however on a nice grassy downslope and the moment the gun went off I flew like there is no tomorrow and it was pretty obvious that instantly I was in the lead. Sped through the grass into the forest and I was able to enjoy my lead on the single track for some 1.5-2 maybe miles. There was a little steam crossing which was fine during the practice when the speeds are little slower but now in the race I went to it so fast and it was so deep that it almost stopped me still. I created a giant splash (I called it a tidal wave) that I was very proud of and just wished that my husband could see it, since he was still toward the start line packing his gear after taking pictures of us most likely. Luckily however there was someone with a camera right there in the happening spot and later on we were able to locate those pictures!




The girl right behind me Candice yelled to me in the laughing tone, thx Beata now my whole butt is wet thx to you. I laughed to her back saying I’m soaked myself and the race went on.

Than we had some climbs and some muddy spots, I must had been little too careful and hit my brakes too hard since I had two girls pass me on my right there in one spot, It was June and Candice. Also Zee and an awesome rider from Jacksonville got me at some point and I was riding now in the fourth position.

I could see everyone when we were biking through the technical single track with all those forks. We stayed all together and I failed to follow my preplanned path and just followed the leaders.









It was not until the second lap on the second part of the course with twisty single track when Zee made a mistake and got stuck on the top of the steep climb. This is when I made my pass and never looked back.

I felt more rested now than on the first lap and was only wondering how far the leaders were ahead. I kept a very good pace for the reminding of the race and there was a one fun part where bunch of people were yelling and encouraging riders to ride the wall! I did it for fun on the second lap but didn’t want to play with it on the third. I felt very strong and thought I handled the course in pretty good way. I was happy. Ultimately I was 2 minutes behind the leaders on the end of the race. So I got my first podium in the Sport class and it was definitely a great ending to my first attempt.






After the presentation I went on a nice trail run through the forest to close our very fulfilling trip.


Oh I did not mention our Pizza out night with my husband to pretty cool Momo’s pizza place that seems to cater to FSU students. They played there some crazy disco/techno from the 80s and it allowed us to laugh a little and step back in time and relax before the race. Because of this place now I have this crazy song that I made my whole FSC series song that I play for myself before each race!

It’s called “Mortal Combat” and it just takes my stress away very quickly. :)
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-_Wuv8ZJXM

 
 

1 Mile Open Water Race in the Atlantic Ocean

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”

Pompano Beach Piranhas organized an amazing open water race. I stumbled across it and right away new it was something I need to do for myself to fight my demons. I always had fear of open water and now when living in Florida it become worst because of what we do have here in those waters of Atlantic Ocean compared to what I had in the Baltic Sea back in Poland. Over there worst case scenario was stepping on little flounder that is hiding in the sand, here for change oh well, we all know what swims here…

Either way I did sign up for a race however feeling little apprehensive. I went to the race site with my husband Pax on the beautiful Saturday morning right before a sunrise. The moment we arrived to the beach and I saw the venue and tents set up and Pompano pier and music playing and beautiful sun rising above the water I was happy that I woke up so early for this experience. All the swim teams arranged their spaces and everyone was energized. I felt nervous. I got my standard cotton mouth feeling and my heart was pounding long time before the race started. I am not a swimmer. I love to swim but I am mostly and pool swimmer and it was a day when I had to go there quietly like a little warrior and prove to myself that I can do it.

This was the weekend also of Tropical storm Isaac that just went by and it left water very murky and angry looking. It was not a typical Florida beautiful blue ocean look and feel, it was rather looking like a brownish lake and it definitely wasn’t going to help me feeling at ease. I went in for a warm up and could not really see anything in the dark water. The buoys were some 40 feet out from the shore and I had no courage to even check how are the views were from there. Well until I had a young girl and a young boy approaching me with a high concern or the swimming in the ocean. Those little guys were about to do their first open water race of 500 meters. On instant I had to be become stronger than I felt, and not just for me but for them. They had the same fears that I had and I did assure them that everything is going to be fine and decided to lead them to the first buoy to see what we can find there. I started first and they followed, in a matter of seconds we were there and to our surprise we still could see through the murky water bottom and even I was able to stand there. We turned back and swam to the shore. It was better than we expected and now I knew I most likely will be able to see bottom of the ocean for most of my one mile swim. Oh this 750 meter buoy was far, so far but I was ready.

This was not however mountain bike race or a triathlon, but a swim race and I just felt on the start line little like fish out of the water. I realized those swimmers were going to smoke me. But I also talked to few nice ladies before the start and I realized I was not going to be last.

And there we went, everyone crashed into the water at the same time. In no time I got hit on the head and my goggles had been moved on my face and water got in. I moved them quickly back but there was some water still there that I will be swimming with for a whole mile. First buoy was a pileup also but very unexpectedly I stayed completely calm. After that we had 750 meters going straight parallel to the beach. Right away I found some feet and felt not so bad. Wavy sand close below me gave me sense of security. I was still surrounded by lots of people and I felt safe. After a while there was a 500 m buoy and 750 m buoy. From all this swimming I was not sure any longer which one I was approaching. I told myself it is probably the closer one to don’t disappoint myself, however after a while I noticed that everyone in front of me was turning, great news, meant it was a last buoy and we were on the way back. After the turn however everyone seemed to disperse. I lost the guy that I followed. I had no one near me or behind me and after a long while I was able to spot still far away group on the front. I was alone, water was dark and we were going now closer to the shore. Waves started pounding on me little more and I started getting very tired since now I was going against the current and when I looked down on the bottom of the ocean it seemed as I hardly was moving, but I was trying so hard. Now I could only hope to pace myself appropriately so I can just finish the race. In the mean time I started getting closer and closer but still group was out of my reach. One time something dark felt like went over me, I looked quickly back over my shoulder. I thought of the worst, I thought of some “big fish” being right next to me. But I just saw nothing and most likely it was just big wave that went over and created this shadow that you could take for something else.

Since then I started to focus on the final buoy that I finally could see. I made my final turn and headed to the shore. Some thirty feed of soft sand divided me now only from the finish and I still remember how tiring every step felt after this long swim. But I was done. And girl running right in front of me happened to be in the same group as I was.

I finished in pretty decent time in my swim book of 31:16 min and it gave me 5th place in my age group. Only 17 seconds away from 4th. Top three girls had however untouchable for me times and I can only admire their swim capabilities.

Overall I am very glad I decided not to sleep in that day and see beautiful sunrise, challenge myself, overcome my fears, meet great bunch of people and have really good time on the beautiful beach. Another good day in our days of adventure book…

Florida State Championship Series is almost here!!!

We have less than two weeks to start our mountain biking season here in Florida.
Last preparations are being made and whole Big Wheel Team is very excited and will head all the way up to Tallahassee for the first race!

Let's the racing begin...

Just wanted to Thank Boca Bearings

I finally have a squeak free bike. I just replaced all the bearings on my bike and it is finally quiet and the shocks and pivots are so smooth. If you need bearing for your bike please go see them, Michael is great. Thanks...

My butterfly project...

After returning home from Richmond, very tired of course I noticed nice surprise in the garden waiting for me! Of course, there is always something happening there, what else I would expect. In the small flower bed that I created with one native host vine, there was tons of beautiful white caterpillars. They were already very big and had probably one or two more days of chewing left before they will transform into chrysalis and after that to beautiful Zebra Longwing butterflies. Problem was the vine was almost gone and I felt more than obligated (since they were in my garden!) to help little guys out. I and my husband put an effort to bring those hungry babies tons of fresh food. The moment I attached fresh leafs to the old vine stems everyone migrated... :-)

I even had to bring them home for one day since they were spraying our roof with some chemicals. They did behave nicely except one that was ready to transform. He kept venturing away and we did put him on small potted lily like plant that I like to place my "ready" caterpillars on to start working on their chrysalis. Little guy kept falling and falling to the carpet and the moment we allowed him to just do his own thing, he very independently walked the carpet, found one leaf that was touching it and climbed back up. He picked his favorite spot and after making nice silky patch to attach himself to he hang down to shed his last layer off and become chrysalis. The next day when everyone was back outside happy on the patio it seemed like everyone was ready to go. So I put one by one on the same plant and all caterpillars had their own personal space to transform. I have 14 of them right now hanging down, looking like little owls...

Few of them that I was not able to watch after, I left in close proximity to my other potted tree and all of them migrated straight from the vine to it and there is a group of them hanging right there also. My patio looks now like its Christmas with all those little guys hanging like some ornaments from my plants. They have approximately some 8 to 11 days in the chrysalis form before they emerge as gorgeous butterflies. We had first one born yesterday in the garden and I'm going to update shortly her "snow white" picture... It's amazing what few feet by few feet of natural space can do. Nature itself is like a miracle. My garden right now is covered in clouds of butterflies and there will be 14 more shortly to add to it. One of them happened to also be a different type of butterfly "spiky" Gulf Fritillary and I also have two tiny Monarch caterpillars feeding on the milkweed. To add to it I discovered another butch of eggs of zebras and put already brand new plants next to them so little guys don't go hungry! More soon...

Current status:

eggs: tons (maybe 18)

caterpillars: 4 (1 zebra, 1 fritillary, 2 monarchs)

chrysalis: 2 (zebras)
born: 13 (zebra)

Just born... well and mating already. This is the zebra's way.

East Coast Xterra Championships in Richmond, Va

It was completely the most crazy, insane, difficult and fun race I ever did!

2nd in Age Group
14th Overall Woman
24th Overall Woman with Pro's

Registering with World Champ
Lesley Paterson

It was not an easy decision to go up to this race. After all I raced already pretty much nonstop since last October. Living in Florida and doing the whole mountain biking series means that you are racing the whole winter while the rest of the world is resting and getting ready for the next season. So starting from the biking season I went to the triathlon season and my body reminded me already quite a few times that it was time for break. I told myself Alabama Cross Triathlon would be my last race before taking the long deserving break and thankfully I did qualify there for Maui. But Richmond showed up on the calendar and “oh boy” this race I could just tell would be so much fun. I didn’t want to miss a chance to race in such a unique location and I decided to go.

Conrad Stoltz, Myself and Shonny

All those things together would mean that my husband and I just signed up for an “ultra endurance marathon” that would eat up all the energy we had. Starting with a full work week, late evening packing, waking up early, still exhausted from full week at work packed in the 3.5 days and driving up the whole day for 12.5 hours to the race site… To add up to it I started feeling under the weather and day after day it kept getting worst. Preriding the course was so much fun but starting to ride in full sun, 85 degree weather with no clouds in the sky and headache from sinuses didn’t make it easy. What made it easier was our friends that accompanied us on the bike, swim and run training.





We had an awesome ride and I fell in love with the trails here. They were very technical and I was very proud to say that I pretty much was able to clear almost everything. Swimming in the river with my friend Jason was so much fun and I felt like a little kid on an adventure when previewing the swim course. We would rest in the middle of the river on the rocks covered with some greenery and just talk. We spotted a car axle, a table, crutches and someone told us they saw a bike in the river… For most of the swim river was shallow and you could see how pathetic your attempt to go straight was when the current was telling you otherwise.






Into the race morning not to my surprise I found out how tired my legs and arms were and how sick I was. From all the possible moments it had to be this morning of the most difficult race that I ever attempted. It can be easily seen on this picture that I was not eager on the start line. It was the first race ever that I gave myself a possibility that I might not finish, because of my state and because of the predicted 94 degree weather (definitely not my first choice!). I was in peace with it and decided to give it a try.







The horn went off and men and women together started heading across the river to the first buoy. We were so close that I had people swimming right under my arms. After the first turn, to my surprise, instead of swimming, we ended up on the sand bar in the middle of the river where most of the racers were walking/jogging. It was a cool break from the swim since I really started to get tired. The next step was another zigzag across and then a swim against the river toward the island.

Short island run after which we did reenter the water again. This time we had to swim all the way across the river pretty much right under the bridge where the water got dark, deep and current was so strong that for a few moments my little, weak body started to give up and I began to feel hopeless. Current was pushing me so strongly to the right and I had to keep swimming on an angle to not miss the next buoy. This is when I got big gulp of river water and had to flip on my back to recover and pull myself together. After that it was home run and I zoomed down the river with the current to the final two buoys.

 

 
With the swim done we still had a very long run on the paved road to the transition area. In no time I was out on my bike and headed for the trails.
 
Road turned quickly to a loose gravel climb, which then lead us across the bridge to the rest of the trail system.

It then took us to the sweet and technical single track. The trails were fast and fun, covered with roots and big rocks, tough descencs and rock gardens which made the ride challenging. I was in the zone and with little time I was passing a good amount of riders. After a while I got to the two ladies that would be part of my ride for most of the two lap course. We kept going back and forth as it seems like we all had different strengths and depending on what part of the trails we were at different one would excel.

 

I remember getting to a huge climb that I knew I was approaching from the noise made by the spectators awaiting there for us. I was afraid that girls in front would not make the climb and I slowed down and waited for them to descend and get to the climb, not to my surprise they got off their bikes and started walking up the face of the rock.



 

I took a little more time and started zooming down, I knew I didn’t want to walk it and went full speed into the climb, I went up and after clearing the slick rock boulder I was able to continue.  Not all the way to the top however since girls were still there walking their bikes blocking my way. Best part of this was the crowd on this section shouting loud "Go Wronska", "You can make it", "This is how it's done!", "Yeahhh". It was hilarious, monivating and super fun! Next memorable section was a part filled with river rocks which you could tell once again that you were approaching from far away. There was even more fans there and the noise was intense. I took the same approach and allowed all the riders in front some distance since I noticed no one considered to ride this section. This was the second and most difficult rock garden, all covered in uneven wet rocks on a 90 degree turn. People seeing that I was going to attempt to ride it where shouting my name out loud once again. Every little rock I cleared the more screaming and shouting took place. It was awesome!




The atmosphere there was electric and moments like this make the race so much better. The further I got the more people I had to pass and on the second lap the story repeated itself. This time I made it to the top of the climb and managed even to make a pass on a staircase leading up (sweet!)… Besides being very hot and tired I managed to have a pretty good time on my ride and enjoyed it a lot.

The second lap was more challenging since the sport people were now also with us on the trails and that skinny technical course was now even more congested.






I had to literally scream on people encouraging them to keep on pushing and make the climbs to make sure I will not get stopped in the middle of the steep ascend. There were sections however that I was able to clear in practice like the super steep and long wooden ramp that kept on going up and turned to a rocky climb toward the end. But all the previous plans went into nowhere the moment every single person I had in front of me decided to dismount their bikes and just walk. Oh well. I remember crossing the aid station and there was a guy washing his car on the side, seeing our misery he decided to hose us down which was pretty cool. I finished the bike strong and headed for transition again. Ran to my spot, hung my bike, helmet and went after my shoes. And it happened to be, my sparkling new awesome mountain bike shoes (no tri specific) would not open, the circular dial just kept on spinning on my left shoe and my fingers which started to cramp right now where just sliding on it like it was butter. I tried other hand I tried to dry my hands off and still nothing. I was stuck, seriously stuck and thought how unfortunate it was after this long race now be trapped in my own shoe and not be able to continue. I tried forcing my foot out of the little opening there was with little success, I screamed in disbelieve, collapsed on the grass and kept fighting the shoe. Finally with all my strength I forced my foot out which resulted with my whole left leg going into spasm and left arm pain that I would feel for a big part of the run. But I was out! And in the middle of this madness I had a guy right in front of me telling me that he biked behind me for quite a while and that I was the “most pleasant” person he raced with today and that I represented my sponsors well. That was definitely great to hear. Amazing how many things can happen in so little time…

Off to the run I jetted out of the transition still so disturbed by the time loss of some 30/40 seconds fighting my shoe and I missed the first water station. Not good. Here I pretty much had to follow everyone since I had no opportunity to preview the first 1.5 miles of the city run. In the full sun with rays reflecting on me from the pavement I knew I would be put to the test. But my legs kept on turning and besides all the discomforts I was gaining ground on a lot of racers. I had to pass most of them on the bridge since I looked up towards the end of the crossing and there was no one in sight.

I saw an asphalt path to my right whining down under the bridge and quickly ran it down.  Still no one was there and when I was already all the way down I did hear a faint voice from above me yelling “this way”. I looked up and this was a girl that I just passed before, pretty much saving my race. I turned quickly and went back up. I Thanked her with a weak voice hoping she would hear me. It took me quite a while to get the lost ground on the few people I passed before and to catch up to her again on the stairs leading us to the “‘dry wall”. When going by her once again I said that I could not Thank her enough and did continue my run in the heat of the day.




Shortly I found myself under another bridge approaching the famous “Mayan Ruins”. The day before, we were flying up those steps with my husband and a friend, timing ourselves. Yesterday our times ranged from 13 to 18 seconds to the top, which turned for me today to crawling them up like a little baby and having nothing left on the end of the climb. It was brutal.





Reaching some single track was relieving but there was still a very long way to go with more gravel open to the elements running.

I didn’t want to push too hard since I felt I got so far already and now I really would love to finish this race. Strong or not strong, it didn’t matter that much, finishing it today would be a good enough achievement. The more technical running got the more I enjoyed it. Finally after the forest run I got into the very open section of the dry river crossing where I spotted my fellow racer Duffy (would notice this pink from a mile…). It was one of the most favorite parts of the run for me and I managed to catch up and hop on to the ladder climb.

 



After that we still had another pretty long technical and whiny trail to run before going to the foot bridge. I had very good speed and felt like another water station next to the bridge could go wonders for me but this was not happening. I flew on the bridge and on the ramp down and then on the last road stretch to the finish. It was beautiful to finally get there and cross the finish line. It was great to finish my long race journey with such an amazing race. To my surprise I happened to have another strong race and finished 2nd in my age group, ahead by 1.5 minutes by my competitor from Alabama that beat me there by 3.5 minutes. This was a strong and very satisfying victory for me and this placement did qualify me for Maui once again!

 

 

 And then the Podium...

All my friends and fellow racers had great finishes that day and this is good to know how competitive and strong our Florida circuit is.

All good things in life have their price however and mine was to pack my gear and head for Florida straight from the race site. My husband and I were very tired after an already way to long and to eventful week and we still had 14 hours of driving ahead in the middle of the night. The drive was long and very difficult, way worse than the race itself and we had tremendous troubles to even stay awake. We were up for 24 hours when we got home. We collapsed at 6 am for 6 hour sleep and went to work! I never have been so tired before and never hit such a big wall. I pushed myself over the limits and it took me many miserable days to start getting back to normal.  Being sick, overworked, over-raced, just plainly drenched by life, it’s something I would need to evaluate strongly when my next race approaches.  This was the most difficult part I had to go through from the moment I gave the “go ahead” to compete in this race.

The race however was simply awesome and I am very happy I was a part of it. It was an amazing experience, challenge and test of what I can handle and what I’m made of. Would I arrange all things prior and post the race differently next time, definitely yes. Would I compete in this race again, oh yes, can’t wait already!

I need to thank here my husband who made sure my bike is perfect as it can be and ready to go. He spent countless hours taking my Sonic apart piece by piece and making sure she is going to be best she can be on the race day. And she was and I’m very grateful for that! I also wanted to Thank Clifbar for the nutrition to keep me going in the race and KT Tape for keeping my knees pain-free for the whole race. Also as always for Squirt for keeping my chain dirt free and lubed for the whole race.

Some Extra Pictures from the Trip.

Dewet From Squirt Lube and Myself

Richmond character

Yep, lots of colorful personalities...

Richmond calling...

Heading to Richmond for crazy fun and difficult seems like race...

Good read:

http://www2.richmond.com/lifestyles/2011/jun/07/xterra-returns-richmond-gas-masks-ar-1091596/

When you need Ray of Sun...

Today is the day when I finally broken down. When everything was going good and I was getting ready for my next Xterra and suddenly I just got overwhelmed. With what, I don’t even know.

Being stuck at work, not being able to do what I want to do, being tired, mentally tired, stressed.
I had hurricane going in my head and it all just crashed. I sat down and cried.

With all those days of glory I also get those when nothing is good, everything bothers me and I’m not happy.

I feel like the most unhappy person in the whole world in this moment. It’s tough to be strong and walk with a smile and never show a weakness.

We all have our doubts and our fears. My fear, I think, is the future.

But not the future that I will make for myself from my dreamy way of living, but the future that reality and corporate life brings us, the dry and dirty truth that besides all you need to rely on yourself and prepare yourself for the future, because if you don't, there will be no one there waiting to help you.
We are all alone even when it doesn’t feel like it.

I will always have my dream future with fantasizing of great adventures, future races, taking care of and photographing my butterflies and flowers. I will always make my life beautiful and good no matter what the ugly part of life will throw at me. But sometimes I will just sit down like today and cry and feel hopeless for the moment.

But this moment will go by and the second I will step into my home and have whole forest of creatures galloping towards me, see all the flowers covering my garden with beautiful colors, I will be able to fall asleep in the arms of my husband... I will be strong and happy again…

This is what my husband sent me when I was stuck today in the dark and it made me cry even more…

Maybe I needed it to start all over again.


“There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone forever.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow with all its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and its poor performance; Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, for it is yet to be born.

This leaves only one day, Today. Any person can fight the battle of just one day.
It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad, it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

Let us, therefore, Live but one day at a time.”